wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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