It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
