38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize