Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
