I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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