Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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