the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize