There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Randomize
