**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
