help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
