I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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