Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
