Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
