I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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