Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
