I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
