You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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