theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
