im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize