turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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