And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
