Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize