ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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