Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
