I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
