I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
