Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
