I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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