at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
