Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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