the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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