I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just googled if crying burns calories
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
