Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
