My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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