wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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