i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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