hell yes lets make some ravioli
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
