a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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