I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I supernannyed him into submission
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
