your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
my liver is dry heaving
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
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