i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize