I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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