Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Success! We fucked roommates!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
