After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
