i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
