One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
