At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
