yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
