So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
