so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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