so explain again why im purple
no
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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