Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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