They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
did i walk over a car last night?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
