I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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