You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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