Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
