i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
