Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize