I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
