she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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