he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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