I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
