hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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