Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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