He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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