Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
