I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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