; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
