I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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