Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
