Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
