I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
