I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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